Thursday, December 5, 2013

Time to Move On

I have written on this blog for almost 6 years.

In the last two years, I have been having a hard time coming here, as this space feels sacred,  beautiful, and only for Ronan. There was a time 5 years ago that I never thought I would be able to move away from this blog, but I left work yesterday and saw a sliver moon---my favorite moon, and felt the need to write about something, anything other than grief. Life has been moving on, chaotic and crazily so. I need to start fresh, and keep moving, holding the lessons and love that I have found along the way.

Ronan will always be my son. And as I hang a new Christmas ornament every year for him, I feel him closer in some ways, and in others, like I am moving on from that weeping woman who gave birth to him stillborn almost 6 years ago.

I hope you keep in touch. You have all been so wonderful on this journey. I am glad to call you friend.



Sunday, August 11, 2013

Books! Books! and more Books!

I am not sure who can still find me, seeing how evil Google got rid of their beloved reader....

For the few that remain, I wanted to update Ronan's book drive. We felt the love. We felt it in a big way. Over 100+ books were donated in libraries across the U.S. and over $750 was raised. We were able to fund 3 sets of books for baby story time here locally and several sets of toys to accompany it. 

Some wonderful titles that were donated:

I am amazed and humbled by the love everyone showed for our sweet boy. :)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Mother's Day

I feel on certain days that I go through the day-to-day motions of motherhood.

I get up, help get the children ready in the morning, grab a quick shower, go to work, check in with P three or four times a day, then rush home, make dinner, hang out with the kids, baths, reading, bed. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Today, my son got his first haircut and went from Davey Jones form up above, to looking like a bona fide little boy. And it just hits me like a ton of bricks that these babies grow up and will be little children who will be teenagers who will then be adults. It happens just as quickly as all the mothers before me have said (and probably will until the end of time).

For this Mother's Day, I wish time to stand still, to reflect on my journey to this place, to remember the way all my children first felt in my arms---starting with my precious Ronan. It is really such a powerful thing when a doctor hands you a baby that has been inside of you, rolling around, making you feel powerful and fragile all at the same time. May my children always know that I loved them the second I  learned of them, and that I worried 24/7 the entire time they were in me, talking that silent language that crossed mom's brain to the placenta. Please come home to me---please be safe in there. Please know how many people want to meet you and see your smile.

Ronan made me a mother 5 years ago. My other children have the mother he molded me into. That is his legacy for his siblings. And for him and them, I am grateful that I am a mother....

Saturday, January 26, 2013


I was driving to work after my 'maternity' leave after Ronan was born and Ordinary World came on the radio. And even though I had heard this song a million times, hearing it with this fresh perspective resonated with me. I didn't know at the time what my everyday, ordinary world was going to be like now that this had happened to us. How does one move on from the grief, the pain that was so powerful that it brought me to my knees at any given moment? I can tell you now, 5 years later, that my new ordinary world has consisted of extreme scary lows, but also wonderful glimpses of kindness, honesty, and truths that I may never have seen or appreciated if I wasn't thrown into this new place. I have witnessed great love and depths of friendships that only come when your heart is exposed, raw, and eager to heal. I have learned patience and compassion that I pray I am able to pass on to others, especially the children that I am now fortunate enough to raise. As this day seems to be a reminder of what is gone, I strive daily, hell sometimes hourly, to focus my thoughts on what remains--the love that my son represented.

Happy Birthday, sweet Ronan. We miss you every day.

Ordinary World

Monday, January 21, 2013

Ronan's Book Drive

Dear Friends,

As many of you know, our son Ronan Cooper passed away when I was 7 months pregnant back in January 2008 due to the complications of Trisomy 18. It was unknown to us at the time that our active little boy, who looked great at all ultrasounds and had a strong heartbeat, would only be with us for this very short time.

Time has moved on for us, and we have been fortunate enough to have 2 healthy children since his passing. But as any parent knows, you will never forget your children---no matter how long they were on the earth. Every year in January we strive to honor our first born, usually quietly, as a family. This year, on what would have been his 5th birthday, I am asking my friends and family to join us for a tribute to him.

We are raising money and accepting new children's books to be donated in Ronan's memory to local libraries. The funds we collect will be used to fund baby story time here at our local library here in Ohio and supply new books to the library in my hometown in Texas. If you wish to donate money, I have a Paypal account set up or would gladly accept checks (please send me an e-mail at for the information). If you have a preference for where your donation is applied, please send me a PM or write it on the check.

If you wish to donate a brand new book of your choice to your local library, please speak with the librarian and tell him/her that it is a memorial book, as there is usually a different procedure that they use for memorial books (rather than just a regular donation). If you would send me a note with a picture of the book, I would appreciate it---I would love to put it in his memory box.

I thank you for the constant support of our family, and continued love and support you have shown us every January 26th every year. Thanks for reading. And thanks for helping us keep his memory alive.

 Love, Reese

Sunday, January 13, 2013

And then she was 4....

What she understands, truly amazes me. What she remembers from years ago, astounds me. She is the everlasting smart aleck (it IS genetic, I knew it!!), but she is ever so kind and tender to those around her. She celebrated with some of her pre-school friends at a local hangout for kids--mostly boys (again, this must be genetic). She still doesn't let you kiss her her on the face, but if you're lucky and she's in the right mood, you may be fortunate enough to get one of her kisses on the cheek. She says I love you to us every day, and when I look at her, I feel so damn lucky that I have her. She is truly such a blessing. Happy birthday, sweet girl. May this year be the best year yet!