Sunday, August 19, 2012

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round...

When I was in 1st grade a girl I hardly knew came up to me while I was playing on the jungle gym and said "Holly is deciding who she will be friends with this year'.

All of the little girls were lined up to have the blonde hair, blue eyed doe of a little girl walk up and down in the condescending way that playground hierarchy allows and turn her nose at 99.9% of all the girls she passed. She took one look at me and said 'definitely not', and moved on to reject the next girl by me.

I shrugged and went back to the jungle gym. But some girls cried. They were heartbroken.

It is that scene and all the drama I witnessed with girls like Holly that I swore in high school I never wanted to have a girl--for fear that they would turn into Holly, or hell, be one of the droves that wanted to be friends with her so damn badly.

Then I had a little girl. And I adore her. She's sweet and spicy and everything wonderful in a 36# package. She starts preschool tomorrow and I am scared shitless-- about the Hollys she will encounter, or the other various versions of mean, desperate girls I battled on a daily basis. I have already witnessed the future insanities, at waterparks, and clothing stores. Sullen, awful older girls who talk nasty and love to make other people unhappy, just because they are. I look at my precious girl who is so joyful, who is the first to stand up and dance when the music starts to play, and I say a silent prayer that no one will ever break that spirit in her. May no one make her feel ashamed for finding joy in uncool things. And I pray she always has a good friend to help weather the storms. Lord knows that's what saved me time and time again.