Saturday, March 26, 2011

Blueberry Hill

So, um.....yeah.

In the midst of packing up a lab, packing up a house, driving 1200 miles and receiving our household goods, I found out I was pregnant.

I am a little overwhelmed with the speed in which I can get pregnant. I know better to complain, as there are lists of women 17 miles long that would love to have my 'problem', but I am asking that you understand the insanity surrounding my life in the last 2 months to get us from Texas to here and then to add to the drama that surrounds pregnancy in general now that I am a golden member of DBL.

At first, I couldn't believe it. I went around in a daze like "OMG, I ruined the girl's life. She's gonna hate us for this". Illogical, I know.

Then I walked around with "OMG, I have to find an OB who will listen to all the drama and give me the same treatment that I had in SA" then I was super depressed that I didn't have Dr. S to get me through all of this.

I called an OB group here, and by default, they see you at 10 weeks. I was like "Um, hell no, you will see me before that" so I had an appointment for April 4th, where I would be around 8 weeks.

And then I had to come back to San Antonio to help shut down the lab and tie up loose ends this past week. I volunteered when I saw no one else would go.

So, last Sunday I took the late flight out, and arrived around midnight in SA. My father-in-law picked me up (I was staying with him) and drove me to base in the morning (he also works there). While I was working on Monday, I started to spot again.

I have been spotting since I got pregnant. It hasn't been a lot, but it's there. So, I called Dr. S's office and they said I could come in for a 9:30 appointment the next day.

On Tuesday I went downtown to the office where I spent 9+ months of my life trying to assure that the girl would arrive safely. Dr. S saw me and hugged me and said "I thought you were moving!" He confirmed I was pregnant, took blood for a progesterone level, and sent me for an ultrasound.

And there I saw the blueberry with a fluttering heartbeat. Everything looked good. He wished me well, sent me along my way with prenatal vitamins and asked me to send him a picture.

Wednesday morning I was getting reading to make a run to pick up some supplies, and I go to the bathroom.

Soaked through my panties.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I had a pad in my purse, and I cleaned up best I could and called P. Told him that there was real blood, and this may be it. I called Dr. S's nurse and got a bit of the runaround until I insisted that I was NOT going to the ER. She made me an appointment for 2:40. It was noon by now.

One of the guys I was working (R) with came in and I lost. my. shit in front of him. He was concerned and wanted to drive me to the ER immediately, but I told him that I wasn't bleeding that much. So we sat there in silence until I finally sent him to go get some food.

I talked to P the whole time R was gone. We prepared ourself for this. I told him I was calm. I just needed to know what to do/what to expect if this was truly over. I sent a text to a few people who knew I was pregnant. Everyone was on high alert.

R came back with food and we talked about philosophical things, but he mostly just sat in silence with me until it was time for my appointment.

I can't tell you what I was thinking as I was waiting. I think I was pissed that I was about to add miscarriage to my history. And even though I know it's quite common, I just was pissed off that it was happening to me.

I finally was brought back from the waiting room and Dr. S just stared at me when I saw him in the hall. He asked about the bleeding, took a look and said that my cervix was still closed tight. He saw old blood, but nothing fresh.

And then he said that the ultrasound tech was busy for the next hour, but he wanted to check to see if the baby was still there.

I read People magazine and sent texts to the people waiting along with me. I was pretty calm. My friend G asked if this was the longest wait ever for an ultrasound. I said no, waiting for the ultrasound tech to come tell me Ronan was dead was by far the worst.

The tech came by 20 minutes later. And I stripped down like I had the day before. She slid in the wand, and I saw the blueberry again.

And the flutter.

He/She was still alive.

And had grown since the previous day with a stronger heartbeat.

"Looks good," the tech said.

My progesterone level is down, and Dr. S seems to think that this may be confusing my uterus, causing the blood. He sent me to a compounding pharmacists (the ones who actually mix up the drugs) for progesterone suppositories. The man, Harvey, was 135 years old, but kind and assured me that many, many, many women have come to him with this problem, and his concoctions work like a charm.

I took my prescription and loaded up for the airport.

With all this drama, basically the entire family knows. My FIL asked if I didn't have this scare, would I have told him. I said 'no', and then for once in his life, he seemed to really {understand} why pregnancy was not a happy-go-lucky thing with us. He was worried. He was concerned. But he was hopeful. Essentially, he was experiencing what we were, and I gotta tell you it was a relief to finally see him get it. My MIL on the other hand....well, we are still working on opening her eyes a bit.

So the moral of the story dear readers is that until I am, until told otherwise, still pregnant. I have a follow-up appointment with a new OB here on Tuesday for a progesterone re-draw and a crash course introduction. He is an older man, and I pray he is caring and understanding.

Nothing is easy, but I am glad I can come share with you. Wish me luck...

Friday, March 11, 2011

Midwest Love

We are finally in Ohio, settling in nicely.

We bought a house and are enjoying seeing our stuff fit like it like it always fit here. My new lab is state of the art and I feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world when I walk around the still nearly empty space and realize that someday soon I may be running this place ;)

And in other news---there is other news.

But I'm not quite ready to talk about it yet ;)