Sunday, October 24, 2010

It's a typical Sunday dinner with P's family.

My SIL is there, beautifully pregnant, due in the next few weeks. P and his brother find a corner to look at things from their youth on his iPhone. I dispense advice about labor, and the days afterwards. We assume everything will go to plan. We don't talk about the possibilities of things that could go wrong.

An hour later we scoop up the girl and load up the car with leftovers and toys. I put the car in reverse, look in the rearview mirror and drive away slowly, always ticking off a mental checklist. Did I pick up her bag? Her sippy cup? The 10,000 coupons my MIL clipped?

I drive away tonight thinking I am missing something, that I am totally forgetting something.

As I am half-way home, I glance at the car seat in my rearview mirror, watching the girl fight sleep.

And it hits me.

I am missing another one.

He should be here.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Idle Chatter

I was in the backseat of the car watching the rain beat down on the passenger window. The Director of Department X was driving. He and my boss (Bossman) were in the front seat trying to navigate us to Langley AFB in a torrential downpour. Both men were engaged in idle chatter about the weather, their time in Hampton/Norfolk back in the day. Then outta the blue they changed the conversation....

DDX: Did you know Cathy? Worked in the front cube?

Bossman: I don't think so.

DDX: Well she had a baby last week. A girl.

Bossman: That's nice.

DDX: She had a few miscarriages in the past. It was a huge relief that the baby was born.

Bossman: My first wife had 2 between our two daughters.

DDX: My wife had 3 after our son. We intended to have one more, but it got to the point when I said "hey, honey---I think we need to shut it down. We are not getting any younger and it's not worth the risk, you know?"

Bossman: What year was that?

DDX: Between 1994-1998. My mom--she also had a few miscarriages too between kids. Maybe it was genetic. My uncle (mom's brother) only had three children, and lots of kids lost--all boys. He thought he carried something that prevented him from having sons...

I remained quiet and continued to look out the window.

Wonders never cease.....